When you have a fight with your girlfriend, you usually go to the bar and blow off some steam. Unless you are Turkish-German bodybuilder and full-time human awesomeness researcher Volkan T. When he has a fight with his girlfriend, he drives drunk to the airport, talks his way past military security, breaks into the German Chancellor's private jet, strips down to a thong, gets high on weed and pills, and executes a 4 hour, one man party maneuver all over the jet.

You might have thought you knew how to have fun, but that was life before you heard about Volkan T. While you were out shotgunning cans of beer, he was at a 500 year old German brewery, scuba diving in a vat of lager and drinking until he floated to the top like a dead fish. When you were riding a skateboard and drinking mountain dew, he was riding a pile of Swedish bikini models on ecstasy down a ski slope like a chick-meat toboggan while given' it to 'em Volkan T style. You have a man cave with a pinball machine? He's got Angela F'ing Merkel's private jet for his own personal Ferris Bueller's Day Off dance party.

Surely, Volkan's girlfriend was fighting with him because he was wasting too much time having this fight with her when they should obviously have been flying helicopter reverse cowgirl over the north pole, doing Whip-Its and killing polar bears with boomerangs. But instead, here he is wasting both of their time by holding up his half of the argument when they should obviously shut up and get to the helipad.

Sadly for the world, after literally 4 straight hours of partying in Merkel's plane, I sh*t you not, the party poopers at airport security showed up and sicked a police dog on Volkan, probably so he would be less pretty and they'd be able to concentrate on arresting the world's one real candidate for pulling the sword out of the stone of weak f*cking party life. Somebody, please start a petition to get Volkan T out of jail and back in the spotlight where he belongs!

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