An especially stretchy penis attached to an especially determined Australian man dangled its way into a Canberra emergency room with a fork inserted completely inside of it. The feat as so impressive that the attending surgeons wrote about it in an International Journal of Surgery case report. The 70 year old patient, whose identity has been withheld for some reason, now has a shocking X-ray that will go down in history alongside "knife in brain" and "toy car in butt".

Though many outlets have picked up on the story of the incredible disappearing fork, none have adequately delved into the motivations of the bravest man alive. Our theories include an original take on the ancient art of knife throwing, or possibly a prototype defense against the Brazilian candiru fish.

Though, in all seriousness, who shoves a metal fork up their own urethra? Even if he sincerely wanted to do it, the kind of patience and precision required to fit that thang' in there probably indicates he had outside "help". And we use the term "help" loosely in this case, like the way an unpaid bookie helps your "kneecaps not broken" predicament.





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