Rob Ford, Jamaican dancehall star? It sounds unlikely but he's probably got more Jamaican friends than you, and you're Jamaican! Toronto's big bowl of jelly that slides down your chimney when he detects crack smoke decided to take a late night drunk drive to the local Steak Queen (like Dairy Queen except they give you cow in your cone instead of cream). There he met his friend Alexander "Sandro" Lisi and got lit on steak and vodka. Then, when he ran into a couple of young brown skinned constituents, Ford decided to launch into a fake-Jamaican patois rant against the police police commissioner who pursued the five month investigation that eventually forced the mayor to confess to smoking crack, late last year.

Never mind the two constituents were south asian or arab or something, patois sounds cool to everyone. Unless you drop a bunch of B-bombs (Jamaican F-bombs) into it and somebody records you doing so, then posts it all over the internet. But why would anybody do that? It's not like you're the world's most famous crack smoking mayor or anything. Or like you publicly declared not seven days ago that you were definitely 100% off the sauce. Phew, my sarcasm gland is tired. Actually all of those things happened and now everybody is angry at Ford for being insensitive and doing a crappy Jamaican accent.

Also, FYI, his friend Lisi just got out of jail on bail this week after being arrested and charged with drug dealing and blackmailing the guys where were trying to release Ford's original crack video. Ironically, the police only got their hands on the crack video when they finally found it on Lisi's computer while searching his house. Doh! Well, friends are friends and you can't blame them for accidentally leaking your crack video, especially if they're willing to go to jail for you instead of testifying. Sweet.

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