Joseph Small, 20, of Sheffield, was arrested after stripping naked, sticking a fire extinguisher hose up into his anus, urinating on all kinds of things, then shouting racial abuse at several people at the Premium Inn in London's Leicester Square on October 31.

Reports give somewhat scattered versions of the events that transpired, but we here at Tomo News have done our best to cobble together what went down.

Small stripped down to nothing. This much is certain. He got hold of a fire extinguisher and was caught on a security camera shoving the hose into his anus. We can only speculate as to why he did this, but as he proceeded with a shameless display of manual self-pleasure after inserting the hose, we surmise that it must have felt good.

This all happened on the fourth floor of the hotel, some time before 9 p.m.

Some poor guy just doing his job caught Small jumping out of a storage cupboard and peeing on the carpet on the security screen. He phoned the police, then grabbed a towel and went to take care of the situation. He got the towel around the naked young man, then got him downstairs to reception, but not before Small marked his territory on the elevator door.

The police came and then a whole bunch of stuff happened. He yelled at Hassan, the employee, who is from Bangladesh, saying 'This country has been taken over by Al-Qaeda - go back to Pakistan.'

Then he yelled at three policemen present, accusing one of being Turkish, another Romanian, and the last, a 'pedo'.

At some point, Small also pissed on the floor in front of tourists, though it's not entirely clear if he did this before or after he was handcuffed. It does seem that after he was restrained, he yelled to the crowd something along the lines of 'I am from Sheffield! I am an Englishman!'

Small caused about $730 (£450) worth of damage to the hotel. He has admitted to charges of criminal damage, racially aggravated harassment, and an act of outraging public decency and will face sentencing December 3.

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