I bought a tube of glue, the crazy type,
the day before Christmas, believing all the hype.
I'll fix our broken treasures, I told my wife to be,
nothing could be easier, just you wait and see.
Starting with a coffee cup, it's handle I replaced,
shaking it with pride, to the floor it quickly raced.
Bouncing off her knee, then landing on her toe,
she screamed in utter pain, as I dodged her glancing blows.
Regaining our composure, we started project two,
the fixing of a picture, two drops and we'd be through.
Charging up beneath it, she knocked me from my stool,
the picture isn't straight, you stupid little fool.
The picture had now fallen, her painful cries I heard,
I watched her hit the floor, much like a wounded bird.
Not sure what I should do, I decided I would run,
she was screaming bloody murder, looking for her gun.
Running to the driveway, I hopped into the van,
all the while she was screaming, come take it like a man.
She slammed into the door, as I stomped down on the gas.
naked as a Jaybird, face pressed upon the glass.
Quickly backing up, I shifted into drive,
I put the pedal to the metal, hoping to survive.
She kept up pretty well, for a mile, maybe more,
that's when I heard her scream, she was glued to the door.
Not taking any chances, I sped to higher speeds,
trying to ensure, my speed would meet my needs.
I told her Merry Christmas, with a smile on my face,
then hit the other pedal, and launched her into space.

Copyright 2013

Richard Shores

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/crazy-cristmas/