The Gods announced my funeral
I was too shocked to shake.
Went on my knees and asked if I
could just attend the wake.

The answer was 'why do you ask? '
they sent it down by lightning.
I took a sip from my small flask
and felt the black noose tight'ning.

I said 'I could just skip the show,
would make the coffin lighter',
though I expected a big No
I am no brave old fighter.

They questioned whether I could find
a proper substitute
to take my place, leave me behind,
the query was astute.

I made a man of barley straw
and placed him in the box,
dressed in my suit, not in the raw
gave him my dotted socks.

I ended up, how did they know
next to the man of straw
a little voice came, like a blow
'you broke the Lord's own law! '

Well never mind, I did observe
the wake from my cloud ten,
the one that housed the men of nerve
we heard the speeches then.

Turned out the wake drew every friend
they drank my grapefruit wine.
You wonder if HE'd ever send
me back, would I decline?

St. Peter came, he made his rounds
he looked at me and said
'your time on these here, holy grounds
is only while you're dead'.

'I talked to God about the trick
you pulled and meant to sell,
if you don't pray you'll - in the nick
of time end up in Hell.'

Herbert Nehrlich

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/the-wake/