Raped (releasing my screams)

The feelings of loneliness drag me down
Always wearing a mask, the face of a clown,
The depression is showing its ugly face
Alone in the dark, I am in the race.
My moods are dark with daunting future
The wounds are open, no time to suture,
Why do I need to feel this pain?
Why do I need to share the blame?
Why does it all come down just to me?
Why can’t they see my agony? .
I’d just like to be happy, no games involved
I’d like to be Mother as in the days of old
I want to feel human and be loved as such
I want to be held, wanted and touched,
The RAPE, vulgarity and violation!
The filth I am, the contamination!
The mind of a mother who cannot share
The strength required, their innocence spared,
My heads awash with pain and hatred
For the person I am so violated,
I want that dirty little girl from deep inside
To feel cleansed and protected, not thrown aside,
I remember it clearly, useless and unworthy
Dirty and oozing with pain from my eyes
Desperately trying to silence my cries
He left his mark where no-one can see
Oh why can’t they see what he’s still doing to me?
Am I no good? Wicked and impure?
He left me untrusting and insecure
Just when I think I can release the scream
Hope that I wake up to realise just a dream
A living nightmare is what I behold
No end to the torture he inflicted, untold
(c)

Dee Phillips

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/raped-releasing-my-screams/