Fifty Shades of Grey has just been reintroduced to a whole new generation of BDSM-curious puritans the world over, thanks to the release of an R-rated film adaptation.
That means it’s time to revisit the London Fire Brigade’s #FiftyShadesOfRed Twitter hashtag, which has been cataloguing the spike in Fifty Shades-inspired entanglements plaguing London genitals ever since the book was released in 2011.
In related incidents over the past week, firemen were mostly called to free men’s members: one from a plastic bottle, another from a vacuum cleaner, and another that had become wedged completely behind a toilet.
And one man who put on a titanium chastity belt and was extremely disappointed when it worked as promised. That doesn’t seem to qualify as an accident.
The fire brigade also had to free a man who was unable to remove his two metal cock-rings after three whole days. You do the math.
Meanwhile, the U.S. also saw a surge in kink-related injuries after the book’s release, as recorded by the Consumer Product Safety Commission.
Fifty Shades has ridden a wave of popularity powered by a generation of BDSM noobs. But more experienced slaves, and their calloused butt-cheeks, will find the film a snoozefest.
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